Accompanying gender confused individuals with genuine compassion and truth

Gender confusion has saturated the culture at such an alarming rate that many families, educational centres and social groups are grappling with how to treat the sufferers whom they love and care about with dignity, respect, and compassion.

The default approach is to jump to affirming the person in their perceived gender, assisting them to “transition” socially, medically, and surgically without proper psychological evaluation and interventions that seek to find the root cause of the distress.  It is mistakenly thought that by affirming sufferers in this way, mental health outcomes will be positive, and they will finally be who they are, importantly eliminating the scary possibility of suicide.

Gender ideology and the individual with gender incongruence are distinct

The temptation for people of goodwill, who see the wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing, is to confuse the sufferer with the ideology that has led to this crisis. The two are distinct and, therefore, require a different approach. 

While it is true that gender theory should be disproved, and with firm conviction, the individual who presents with gender confusion is not a theory but a human being who desires to be heard and respected.  Made in the image of God, the individual’s dignity demands a pastoral approach that accompanies them with love, respect, and genuine compassion.

Pastoral care demands we recognise the dignity of the suffering person

Chastity speaker and author of “Male, Female, or Other?” Jason Evert proposes a pastoral approach that recognises the person’s inherent dignity.  He believes it is essential to carefully listen to the individual who believes they are in the wrong body.  Although all the answers may not be apparent, it is possible to walk alongside another with genuine compassion, helping them grow ever closer to the truth of self and towards authentic flourishment.  This deep acknowledgment of “the other” can guide us in the loving accompaniment of another in their pain and confusion, helping us reach their heart. 

The impact of such a pastoral approach on those who suffer gender incongruence and on those who advocate for gender-affirming care can be very positive. Although it may take time and be met with resistance at first because the emphasis is on relationships, an opportunity arises to lead individuals to a place of acceptance and healing. 

Adopting a listening approach will reveal any underlying trauma if it exists so it can be appropriately dealt with.  This approach is far more person-centred than the so-called “gender-affirming care” model, which seeks only to satisfy desires immediately.  This model treats the person as an object that can be modified at a whim and with little (or no) consideration of the long-term ramifications of the life-altering interventions.

Listening and accompaniment do not mean affirming confusion

Although listening and accompaniment are essential when interacting with individuals who experience gender incongruence, it is important to emphasise that such an approach never affirms the person in their confusion.

One of the most prominent and prevalent ways to be inadvertently lured into affirming gender confusion is through the use of pronouns that are self-appointed and convey a falsehood.  However pastoral we may be, no matter how compassionate or respectful we are, it is never appropriate to use language that tells a lie.  Using pronouns that are not consistent with the person’s biological sex communicates an untruth about their person.  Such an approach is not loving, nor is it compassionate.  We become liars.

Leading the individual to truth and flourishment

Carefully distinguishing between fighting against and disproving gender ideology and accompanying the individual who is experiencing gender incongruence is essential.  This differentiation will ensure that the methods and resources used are appropriate.

Learning to listen to people who suffer gender incongruence rather than viewing these individuals as the embodiment of an ideology will lead to greater understanding and a more compassionate, charitable approach. Walking with individuals in their pain is a challenge, but it is an effective pastoral response that upholds the dignity of the suffering person and will assist in their flourishment, which only comes from being led into the truth.

Further Resources:

The following links provide helpful information, policies, and other resources for parents, educators, and health care practitioners.

• Person and Identity Project
  The Person and Identity Project (PIP) assists the Catholic Church in promoting the Catholic vision of the human person and responding to the challenges of gender ideology.  Provides resources for parents and educators.
• Responding to Transgenderism with Truth and Mercy
  Pints with Aquinas | Matt Fradd interviews Jason Evert
• A Catechesis on the Human Person and Gender Ideology
  Most Rev. Michael F. Burbidge, Bishop of Arlington | Arlington Diocese
• Catechesis and Policy on questions Concerning Gender Theory
  Archdiocese of Milwaukee
• Love, Truth & Authentic Happiness: A new policy on the Human Person and Gender Dysphoria
  Diocese of Lansing, Michigan
  Policy | Theological Guide